Wednesday, June 30, 2010
the route to work seems to bring back alot of memories. memories that i thought i wld nv forget but somehow i did. things that were once important to me are being deleted. i cannot rmb wat happened in that place which seems familiar to me. looking at the flowers on my table, it doesnt bring the kind of pain, anguish that i used to feel. im not sure wat im feeling nw.
on a higher note, last sun was bel's 21st birthday party!! i cldnt slp the night b4 n im not sure why so i was really tired that day. i i didnt tok much to my hall mates, jus stayed w the rj ppl n played bridge. haha. oh i got a hot pink nails n black toe nails. heh. love it:D
tml will be my first driving lesson(: happpy(: oh n no work tml cos my bosses will nt be in the office! double yayyy(:
Posted by van at 10:31 PM
Saturday, June 19, 2010
im beginning to wonder is it feelings or phobia? all along i believed that it was phobia. oh wait, did i force myself to believe so?probably it is sth that i hope is true. well, i guess this is inevitable especially when im actually someone whom treasures relationships. im not only referring to bgr here. im also referring to kinship and frenship.
i noe who are the ones helping me and showered me with care n concern in his own ways. i am deeply grateful to him. i shall not go on lest someone finds out. haha. it is not the identity of the person that im hiding but the things that he has done. yep. pls do not think that i hav a new target. lol. probably the target has nv changed. haha.
comparing cl and gh, after breaking w cl i went on revenge. i dated one aft one and i liked none.as for gh, i didnt hav the impulse to do so. in fact, i feel that i cannot love anymore. i cannot commit to another relationship. these two experience are hmm two extremes? wat im trying to say is that i guess i hav really matured over the years and the way i handle things are different now.
life brings you alots of surprises; it may bring you up and it may destroy you. it all depends on hw you see it and of course the support of the love ones are imperative. whatever that comes in your way serves to teach and mould you into someone much more incredible and wiser. going on 21 years of life, i hav really learnt alot from this thing called life. if someone so pessimistic like me could see life in an optimistic way im sure anyone out there will be able to do so. let's all work hard for our future and may we triumph over the challenges that life poses us!(:
Posted by van at 3:05 AM
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
these words arent entering my brain. i feel anguish but at the same time im too unwell to feel so. from the time i woke up till now, i feel sick, weird as tho the body is not mine. i think my bod is rebelling:(
have yet settled bel's present. omgg. someone pls SAVE MEEEE! :(
Posted by van at 8:20 PM
Sunday, June 13, 2010
it is funny that i would want to see things that i know it may affect my mood. mayb i jus wan to know if i would be affected. the truth is i am. it is both sad and happy. sad that my heart still aches but happy to know that he is happily in love. i wonder when will i not be affected by these stuff. it took me 4yrs to not ache for this particular guy. i am really curious how long i will tk tis time.haha. it is interesting. lol. if the times spent/emotions invested has a linear relationship with the time needed to not feel a thing den i will tk really long this time. abt 4 times the time i used to forget that guy.hoho.we shall see.
ANW, i am not upset. lol. jus a thought(: i am as happy as ever. i have lovely frens w me, endless programs w u girls and things to learn. why wld i feel sad?:D my life is even more beautiful than i was attached! i am really glad and thankful for all the fun and experiences i had during this period. it might be one of the darkest period that i have gone thru but it is definately a big WAKE UP call (in a good way) for me.
why frown when i hav family members who wld always stay by me
why frown when i hav awesome frens who will help me up and walk me out of the dark, eerie tunnels that i hav or will be going thru
why frown when theres sooo much more to life
why frown when i am much more fortunate than those who are in a worst plight than me
why frown when it is not the end.
HERE'S A BIGGIE SMILEY :D FOR EVERYONE.
Posted by van at 11:35 PM
Friday, June 11, 2010
sometimes a small thing like chnaging ur relationship status on fb makes one happy. it is all abt showing to ur partner that u are proud to hav him or her and u feel happy to let others noe that u are tgt w him or her.
my bestest fren, wanting , told me that her boy wants her status to be in a relationship w her so we hav to "breakup" on fb. haha. she sounded really happy and i am happy for her.
i recalled how happy i was when he told me he told his frens that i was his girl. making one happy isnt as easy as this?
Posted by van at 11:14 AM
Monday, June 07, 2010
i wonder how i dealt w all these drama from a relationship when i was much younger. i think i did all that i feeel like doing like how im telling this fren of mine. i guess i probably scared my ex off. HAHA. but who cares. i hav the right to know and to fight wat i believe as MY HAPPINESS. hahaha. okay im done w this stupid shit cos i had enough of dealing w it. im not goin to be extra nice. m i being selfish? bel u noe best. haha. okay bye
Posted by van at 10:57 PM
Sunday, June 06, 2010
freaking annoyed. stop comparing and pls see where i am not b4 u compare. THINK LONG TERM. stop being so short sighted. all u see is now now now. wat happens in the future is wat u ignored totally.
i noe wat i am doing and pls trust that i noe.
Posted by van at 12:30 AM
Saturday, June 05, 2010
everytime when im afected by the things u did, i tell myself it is a phase that i got to go thru. it will only toughen me up. i know it will.
i hav sth to confess. i did not go to aussie last yr. i lied to u. i jus needed some time away from u. u didnt seem to know wat u want at that time so i tot a separation would do us good. i "came back" and u blasted me, still not knowing what u want.
yay. finally got it out of my chest. feels so much better now. i shall carry on w my busy and eventful life! work is starting on monday and my first korean class is today!(:
Posted by van at 6:00 PM
Friday, June 04, 2010
i
jus came back from
aussie ytd morning. the trip was really good. i was kinda reluctant to go because of the company there. it was all daddy's
frens and
frens' kids. he told me tat the kids are mostly secondary sch. it was such a turn-off. i went in end cos i dun always get to go to other countries besides
malaysia.
brisbane is two hrs ahead of
singapore.
picked up daddy's fren before heading to the airport. they werent as dull as my daddy. oops. haha. it is the truth. went onboard and i was really amazed by the facilities that SIA has! it was 100 times better than air asia! the entertainment set was cool. haha. i watched the spy next door and listened to music to slp. i woke up to see that all the shuttles of the window were pulled down. i lifted it up and a beautiful sight showed up right in before my eyes. i couldnt stop snapping. the sight put a huge smile on my face! hoho. it was simply breathtaking.
we proceeded to the hotel and i found out that it wasnt a two-room apartment that my daddy had told me. it dampened my mood to the max and worst of all no lock on the toilet door. however, there were two separate beds. hoho. that was also the first day i met this girl, karmei. i didnt really wanted to talk cos i knew she is very much younger than me and mayb a lil spoilt. they went shopping while i chose to stay in the room to STUDY. many wld ask me why so i should explain b4 many different ppl ask me the same qn which i ans again n again over there but it didnt quite get into the heads of a few. anw, im tking special semester now and i was supposed to sit for a test on the day that i leave for aussie. the flight was on the early morning of 26th and the test was at 930 or 1430. yes i didnt hav to tk the test so why study? i didnt wan to be caught in a situation where i know nth abt the mod when im a week away from exam.
daddy dragged me out for lunch and i was still rather quiet. karmei came to the room and slumped on the bed. out of polite i asked her mama what did they buy. karmei started yanking and it stunned me. lol. probably she didnt know i was that old. she asked me guess the age and i got it right. haha. im smart(:
for the rest of the days, my breakfast and dinner was settled by her mama when we were at brisbane. the very next day was the start of darts competition. it was my first time witnessing the tournament and was pretty overwhelmed. heh. some of the uncles' true character were shown. they are actually a bunch of funky uncles. haha. one of the uncles went around yo-yo-ing and uncle andy started to disturb karmei n i. hes really friendly. i was quite distracted so i didnt study much there. i made it up for it in the night.i asked bel for my results and i did better than expected! A- for my biz mod(((:
the 1st day of the competiton was doubles and the second day was singles. the second day saw me heading to the town w aunty lyn, karmei, syazwan's mum and km's mama using a child's ticket.hehe. i bought slippers and 2 tops over ther(: went back n resume my mugging and by then karmei n i were on rather good terms:D
the 3rd day was the team event. she wanted to head out but i didnt want to cos i wan to support team sia. that was the last day i studied. the next day was the 1st day without mugging at the club! lol.went around taking pictures and it was the day of the dinner. i took 200plus photos and fb is denyin me the space to showcase them! i duno wat is wrong w fb. uncle andy sprank a surprise attack on me and captured a super unglam photo of me. the flash was damn strong and i swear i almost went blind.haha. km did the same and bth threatened to post it up on fb. i tried to capture unglam pic of her and i did. hohoho. took photos w a few uncles(: the last event of the night was a mini clubbing session!hahha. ohhhh b4 the dinner started km n i were trying tk a photo of uncle robert acting cute.lol hes damn funny.oh yaaaaa b4 the dinner uncle andy bought me white wine but the bartender refused to give me unless i can prove that im legal.annoying. daddy went to take my passport but by then i had alr walked away w the wine. hoho. uncle andy went back to his room to get a bottle of white wine n it tasted much better than the one he bought me. aft the whole event was a drinking session outside my room. hav i mentioned that they are super alcoholic? the indians drink every single day. day in day out they are drinking.hahah. i joined them that night. the beer was pretty light. km n i wanted to play daidee w uncle salim but he took tooo long to get uncle jon and a few others down. she was dragged back by her dadddy. played awhile and went to slp.
head over to goldcoat on monday and went out to harbour town for shopping! bought cotton on stuff. went out w syazwan family aft dinner w daddy. i wanted to ask km but didnt in the end. syazwan n i spent 22 aussie on arcade! cant rmb which was the day we talked abt our relationships. anyway i went to dream world w syazwan, km, uncle yo-yo and siva. the claw was the scariest. it was my 1st ride and i almost died. i came down w a spinning head:s tower of terror, giant drop were fun! omg. tower of terror was really fast! we took all sorts of roller coaster and took some rides twice as ther werent many ppl. we were done by 330 and head over to harbour town again cos uncle siva wanted to go. becos of that daddy was pissed w me. zz. he didnt believe me. he assumed that we were the ones who wanted uncle siva to bring us ther.anw the air was cleared or rather he decided to stop pursuing it aft dinner. i think he was hungry thus the tantrum. aarg whatever man. bleah.
the last day was MOVIE WORLD. i love the superman and scooby ride.i didnt really like the lethal weapon cos it gav me headache w all the knocks i had to endure during the ride.daddy took all the rides except lethal weapon. well done daddy! lol. head back to singapore in the night:( so sadddd. went to sch in the very morning. damn lost. zz
okay done. buais
Posted by van at 9:10 PM
Thursday, June 03, 2010
back from cooooling brisbane! i couldnt bear to leave there. i hav thoughts of staying for good. lol. see wat happens i grad den. photos will be up on facbook!
ohh i realised how much i really love scenaries! i jus couldnt stop snapping. haha. if only i can capture the starry sky......
Posted by van at 8:29 PM