Saturday, December 05, 2009

exam ended on thurs n i went to meeeet qing n gang. i was vvvv tired that day. all i wanted to do was to slppppp! hahaha. jcrc work started straight aft my papers. i wan to nuaaa! omg. nono i cant. i need to shed the kilos that i hav gained aft being inactive for a good 6mths! i wan to look gd on my 211st and of cos be fit for my last under21 tournament!HAHA(:

ANW, finally put a stop to whatever that had been affecting me. i jus cannot stand how he had been treating me. aft one month of not toking he suddenly came to tok to me. by then, i was alot more emotionally stable tho i did cry while chatting w him on msn. aft that i wasnt grieving abt him leaving me. i tot it was a sign to be frens again. i attempted to tok to him online, added him on fb. guess wat? i was being ignored and he didn't accept the request to be frens on fb. from the few convo that we had, he made me feel that hes not happy that i socialise more. b4 i decided to move on, he told me to go out n socialise more. i did. a mth later when he found out that i have been socialising more he didn't sound happy. i didn't change.

number one: i will socialise if i think the group of ppl is fun to hang out w. number two: i didn't socialise as much last time because i wanted to spend more time w you. since i can only meet u in the weekends i would wan to try to complete my work in the weekdays jus so to be w u. number three: i have always wanted to lead so i took up the position of sports director. i admire you alot for the amount of initiative and courage u have as a trainee, leader whatever. im proud of u.

i emailed him n told him that i understand that he doesn't feel comfortable of being frens and told him abt the msn n fb thingy. he told me that he didn't noe that i was being ignored. granted that that is a misunderstanding. wat abt fb? why is it that you don't dare to be honest w me? why do u hav to accept me as a fren on fb to prove that i was wrong? is this another white lie? i rather you be frank w me.

i told him tat i am uncomfortable contacting him. i duno hw long will i tk to be able to click on him to tok to him again. will i be able to do so when i am more stable or when all feelings are gone? honestly i hav no idea. i guess it will tk quite awhile for all to be gonee. if its meant to be, mayb mayb we'll be back tgt againn. i highly doubt it judging on how things are now.its a pity but theres nth i can do.

a shoutout to my frens! thanks for standing by me all these while! agh, bel is doin a great job inn tking care of me. she catches me when i fall. shes like my bf now. lol. i do complain alot abt her but i dun dislike her. i dun get angry for long. shes still my bestie!(: thanks stupid bel!haha

Posted by van at 11:19 PM