Monday, June 15, 2009

i cant say that im gettin on fine w me getting onto the emotional rollar coaster rather frequently these days. it was e worst today. zz. it is really difficult to get used to being a nobody to someone whom u shared ur 33mths w. its so abrupt and unreal. it jus felt like a dream. there was no prior notice that something was gona make it happen. there wasnt a sign. it is hard to get used to it and be comfortable w it.im sorry if im disappointing any of you. it is really tough.sigh

at times, i really hate him for being so cruel and probably rash? i hate him for making me believe that he wouldnt leave me. i was his number one since 5yrs ago. tell me how do i get used to this?

at times, i would jus want to respect his decision and continue being frens w him. i wan to be there for him as a fren like he always did when i left him.

at times, i feel that my heart and brain are gonna explode that i wan to stop this. i wan to stay away from him. i jus wan to hide in my lil corner.

it is really frustrating that i wana scream!!!!!!i know i wan to be there for him whenever he needs a listening ear. i know i dun hate him. im jus very upset that im hurting so much. im upset that he no longer care as much. im no longer 1st in his heart.i hav learn to ignore those thoughts and feelings that make me sad. i hav to learn to accept that i cant expect as much from him as before. i need to get used to it.

I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS AND I SWEAR I WILL NOT BELIEVE ANYONE EASILY. try killing urself to convince me that u are for real then mayb i will believe.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Posted by van at 12:38 AM