Sunday, April 29, 2012

todays not any special occasion but i would like to dedicate this post to my bf. we have alr quarreled numerous times throughout this short span. i often questioned myself when we quarreled, " are we incompatible?", "are we just hanging on to it just because we wanna prove that we are capable to maintain a relationship?" i used to think that quarrels make the people involve have a better understanding of one another but i was proven that i was just being naive in the last rs. i am sorry that i give u nth but pessimistic comments abt us, abt the rs. i will try to be more optimistic. hehe. sorry dear. :D

Posted by van at 11:24 AM

Friday, April 27, 2012

been feeling extremely tired this whole week. i have no idea why. i keep waking up in the middle of the night and had to force myself back to slp. even as im tyoing this, i can barely lift my eyelids! gosh. im gonna head out tml and i WAN TO COMPLETE THE FIRST DRAFT OF MY REPORT BY SUNDAY! sigh.

i have one pretty pressing matter happening on the 8th. i dont know if i should put the whole report on hold this week or after. sigh ITS PASS FAILLLLLL i am not one who will do a shit job. i dont know how

Posted by van at 8:56 PM

Sunday, April 01, 2012

i had a really good laugh w juline that day at home. she is really one cute mama. LOL. she started to think about how she should behave when her children bring back their partners. she asked me what kind of mother in law do i want. HAHAHA. i too thought abt the far future. what kind of daughter in law will i be? would it be hard for me to live under the same roof w my mother in law if i had to? hahahaha.i guess it is natural for such thoughts esp my grandma is constantly naagging and complaining abt everything abt anyone. HAHA. i guess i gained great insights abt a good daughter in law? LOL. i cannot believe that im 23 now. theres so much that i hav yet done and achieved! :(

Posted by van at 1:02 PM

Sunday, March 18, 2012

have i ever mentioned that job hunting is such a chore? zz the sad thing is the jobs that im interested in has pretty high requirement or they only want the cream of the crop? AHHH. this is so saddening!:( i look through so many firms that are related to my course and i am interested in none!0.0 this is such an unpleasant finding. arg. :(

Posted by van at 10:28 PM

Saturday, March 03, 2012

most of us has a dream. we all have something that we hope to be able to achieve.. some are too afraid to take the step out while others have the guts and capability which give them the confidence to take on the road to their dreams.

as for myself, i doubt my abilities. i am afraid that i overestimated myself. i want to be successful, i want to get at least a masters. honestly, how am i gonna achieve those with my current results? to add on, i have a sci degree but i am not really keen in the industry.doesnt this render my certificate useless? for sci students, we only have either analytical or research lab to choose from. in analytical lab its either quality check with a particular company which means the products that u deal w are the same throughout the years or in labs that run tests on products from other companies to make sure they comply with regulations like green label and OSHA. as for research labs, they arent really gonna hire u if u arent at least a master degree holder. yes, there are chemist etc in a research labs but you still do the same thing over and over isnt it?

i want to be involved in investigation, pitching to clients wouldnt sound that bad as well. yes i know.. i should hav chosen smu 4yrs ago. sigh. its all too late now. all i have to do is really putting in effort to try and achieve what i hope to. im taking the first step out now. ARE YOU?

Posted by van at 5:41 PM

Saturday, January 21, 2012

im officially 23 years old. it is true when people say that time literally flies once u past 20. im feeling it now. hah.

the road to maturity is hmm rather bumpy but i survived it all. there are times where i really wanna give up trying, coping and be strong. im feeling it right now. the recent happenings had a rather huge impact on me with some that concerns me directly while others indirectly; because it concerns the people i care about therefore i feel for them. i admit im not a strong person. i know some would think that i dont cry easily but i do. im sentimental, emotional, sensitive and any other adjectives that describe one who cries easily. pardon for the lack of vocab:x frankly speaking, i dont how to handle and i feel that im not equipped enough to handle these. i want people around me to be happy, problemless or rather no huge problems that hog their brain day in day out. apparently it is not possible in this household.

home, is a place where one can seek solace from, a place where everyone else appreciates one another and just simply be happy about being together. i know my uncles and ah ma try hard to let me feel family warmth and honestly i can really feel it. i really appreciate all their effort in doing so! all these doesnt stay long. sth will always cropped up to ruin everything. maybe it is not as bad as it sounds. i guess i might have exaggerated it because im feeeling a bit upset.

i used to escape all these by staying in hall. there are a couple of reasons why i chose to withdraw from hall. sometimes it is best not to witness anything and be ignorant. it saves u from being upset, irritated, disappointed, disgusted etc.

i do miss hall life. i do miss cheer. sometimes i wonder if i quit cheer was really due to my back or i know that i wouldnt be useful in cheer. in short, a coward who quits knowing that i would just be standing at the sideline even if i tried. maybe i really am a coward. someone who is afraid that her ego might be crashed. sigh. sometimes i dont even know if i had made the right decisions. zz

actually my life isnt that bad either. not too long ago, a friend whom i hadnt contacted for a rather long time told me that im his good friend.i was honestly touched. i have friends who i hadnt met for a long while but we do not feel weird getting together to catch up. how many people gets that? i am sure not many. there are people who puts in a lot of effort in maintain relationships w people but they dont get friends like mine:D

after typing this whole lot makes me feel so much betterrrr. wahaha. alright, happy chinese new year people!(:

Posted by van at 7:57 PM

Sunday, January 01, 2012

Happy new year!!! This is my first post in 2012! Whee! I hope things will go well and I really pray that I can get a job!!! Heh